Why I’m Giving Up Goals in 2024
Yesterday, my husband asked what my New Year's resolutions are. "I'm not really a goal-setting person," I said, which isn't quite true. I've set many, many goals in my life. Lofty goals, specific goals, goals that I've divided into a series of smaller, sub-goals that all ultimately lead to the magnum opus goal. I've written them down on paper. I've downloaded apps to help me achieve them. I've talked about them. I've not talked about them. I've visualized them and prayed about them. And guess what? I've achieved almost none of them. I still bite my nails. I don't have six-pack abs. I haven't run a marathon, written a novel, gone to church every single Sunday for an entire year, or read every book on my reading list. And I'm tired. I'm tired of the constant pressure to always be improving, achieving, ticking off boxes, measuring progress, and holding up proof of success to anyone with working eyeballs. No one cares.
And, if I'm being honest with myself, neither do I. If I haven't quit nail-biting after 30 years, then I probably never will. And that's ok. I might write a novel. I hope I do. But this may not be the season of life for long stretches of writing and editing. And that's ok. Six-pack abs will come at the expense of morning couch snuggles with my kids and the lemon cake we're going to bake later this week (and the Meyer lemons are so ripe and juicy and sour and perfect right now). I'll settle for being active and in good, overall health. I actually have no desire to run a marathon, it just sounds like something I should want to do. Marathon runners are happy, healthy, successful, enviable, likable - all the things, right? Oh well. And my reading time gets interrupted by evening parent meetings, a little girl who's afraid there's a bear in her closet. And that's ok. My reading, like my writing and most things in life, ebbs and flows. It's nonlinear and inconsistent, and it would be futile to try to track and measure such things. Why must we put everything on a chart, a scale, or a spreadsheet? Why must we try to track and move all aspects of life with a needle as if our experiences and our worth can be viewed like the dashboard of a car and manipulated with pedals and levers?
I'm not a car. I'm not a machine, a hustler, a girl boss, a writer, a runner, a crunchy mom, or a tradwife. I'm just me. And that's ok.
So yes, this year, I've decided I'm not a goal-setting person. But I am a reflective, introspective person, and I have spent time examining my life and daily experiences. I've thought about the pain points, trials, and triumphs. I've contemplated what brings me the most joy, when our family feels the most happy and at ease. I'm not looking to set goals, but rather, to shift focus to allow in more of the good and less of the bad.
I know that our family is best under the open sky. At dinner on New Year's Eve, my daughter asked if we could all go around the table and say our favorite part of the year. Every single person, even our three-year-old, said the trip to Yosemite. Going camping was everyone's second. This year, I'll focus more on our shared love of being outdoors.
I know that being low-tech works for us. Even with our oldest turning nine in a few weeks, there are no requests for video games, phones, or tablets in this house, which I love. The kids spend their days building, climbing, reading, doing art, and yes, sometimes being bored. This year, I'll focus less on my own screen (when I'm not writing) and continue to resist the convenience of technology.
I know I need to get better at saying no. I need to beat down the people-pleaser in me until she is not an all-encompassing part of my personality. Do I want to volunteer extra hours at my kids' school? Yes. Do I have the time or energy to do that? Definitely no. Do I want to participate in committees and food drives and special projects? Yes! I want to be helpful, useful, valued, liked. But do I really enjoy those activities? No, not really. I just want people to like me. Do I want to write 200,000 words of property descriptions for real estate brokers? Yes! NO. This year, I'll focus more on saying no when no is the real answer.
I know God needs to come first. I've done a decent job of growing my own faith over the past several years. I read the Bible daily, pray, listen to religious podcasts, write about God's wonders, and volunteer at church. However, I've slacked on ushering my family and children into a strong, Catholic identity. I bought a book of children's devotionals and only read the first few chapters aloud to my children. I skip our morning, pre-schoolwork prayer all too often. I don't talk to them enough about God. This year, I'll focus more on spreading my faith across my family.
These are the things that can't be measured, and I wouldn't want to measure them anyway. Things that are meticulously tracked, measured, counted, and weighed are hardly enjoyed. I've given up on goal-setting. Instead, I'm focusing on what's important: my health, my family, and our family culture. I'm going to say no more, talk about God more, and get outside whenever I can. And I'm not going to track any of it.